杀手没有假期

出戏看过很久了，一直向人推荐说好说好。除了几个英国来的人心领神会以外，别处好象都沉了大海。于是我决定很没眼色地，痛说一说怎么个好法儿。顺手推广一下我顶喜欢的英国电影。象所有其它的英国电影一样，打虎亲兄弟，上阵父子兵，电影里露的甭管大脸小脸，总是那些英国的脸。半部哈里波特都出现了：主角之一的老杀手是疯眼汉 Brendan Gleeson，黑帮老板是伏地魔Ralph Fiennes，年轻杀手闯下大祸的project，被杀的神父是斯内普Alan Rickman。全世界的人都有偏见，或者说，叫stereotypes。英国人也不例外。可是英国人的stereotype编派得特别生动。白象一样庞大的美国一家三口，极度环保的加拿大人，比利时旅游景点的售票员不可理喻的无礼，阿姆斯特丹出名的满街都是妓女。老人热爱中世纪艺术，年轻人只对美女感兴趣。这些陈腐旧套如果放到好莱坞，也不过是多发一遍霉而已；在英国人手里就全都不同了。英国人不讲扼杀创意的极度政治正确。一点都不奇怪：从维多利亚时代风气幸存下来的文化，还有什么伪善没见过，不敢嘲笑的？喜剧片看得多，黑色幽默也看得多，但是象In Bruges这样，一秒钟让人哭一秒钟让人笑的喜剧片还真的不多见。到电影渐渐进入紧张的时候，肝肠胃肺都拧到了一起。老杀手死去的一刻我真的马上要哭出来，一分钟以后黑帮老板诅咒一声掏出地图，我又要笑喷了。如是几次三番，从开头笑到最后。可是灯光明亮走出电影院，如果刚好有记者问我：你认为这是喜剧片吗？我可能答不出，揉揉红肿的眼睛。很多美国电影为了抓人眼球，总是弄一个耸人听闻的开头，外星人都思不来的故事结构，再在电影的后半部分匆匆把所有情节和人物从四面八方收拢来，生硬地用钢丝拧在一起，让人在电影结束时生出咒骂“How dare you..."的冲动。In Bruges完全不是。每个人都个性鲜明，从开头到场结尾丝毫未变。混黑社会的几个男人，开旅馆的正怀着孕的老板娘，打心眼里讨厌外国人外地人的售票员，阴柔有钱的比利时枪贩子和他不争气混街头的蠢儿子。然而写电影的人把他们象七巧板一样拼成一出纵横来去的电影，处处用榫头严密地衔接起来。比起来，好莱坞电影根本是没揉开的，夹着生面疙瘩的面团。我尤其喜欢的是剧中人的人格魅力。人格魅力不一定非是高大全人物才有，刘慧芳那就不能算人格魅力，那是“神格”，用现代网络语言来讲，恐怕要叫“雷格”。人格魅力就是，某个人身上那一点让人心生感动或欣赏的东西，就是人有时候不会放弃的一点坚持、固执或者宽容。现在流行的是分斤拨两世界观，理直气壮声称自己平生至爱是真金白银，把一切都折算成现金现美金（最近风头不好，可能要换现欧元），是相当时髦的人格。并不是我清高，而是人们普遍高估了经济砝码在自己和他人心目中的重量，尤其是在大部分人的生活早已免于冻饿之苦的年代。中国古话说“有钱能使鬼推磨”，其实现实中钱甚至不能使活人不怄气。年轻杀手误伤男孩以后的懊悔，老杀手对年轻杀手的爱护，冷血且有情绪控制问题的黑帮老板的坚持原则，怀孕的女旅馆老板的勇敢，都让人觉得他们活生生的能随时走近来。年轻杀手第一晚去和漂亮女孩约会，一粒扣子解开又系上，系上又解开，如是三番。老杀手看在肚里，又好笑又体谅。黑帮老板和老杀手决斗前在街头酒馆对酌，背后笑话卖枪的比利时人是在家里练瑜珈的。那轻松的朋友一刻稍纵即逝，然而没了它就完全不能解释后面的情节发展。当然所有的英国电影里我百看不厌的是那些人都穿得那么齐整。他们的西服和大衣完美合身，不象美国人的裤子总垮着，肩膀总耸着，领子总张着。电影结束以后，我念念不忘的是旅店女老板美丽的奶油白色大衣和桃红围巾，想着自己什么时候也一定要买一件。

 http://www.douban.com/people/1972084/原作者三天时间出的台词，牛逼闪闪的人物。2009-01-02 18:41:25In BrugesRay:After I killed them, I dropped the gun in the Thames,washed the residue off me hands in the bathroom of a Burger King,and walked home to await instructions.Shortly thereafter, the instructions came through."Get the fuck out of London, youse dumb fucks.Get to Bruges."I didn't even know where Bruges fucking was.It's in Belgium.Ray:Bruges is a shithole. Ken:Bruges is not a shithole.Ray:Bruges is a shithole.Ken:Ray, we've only just got off the fucking train.Could we reserve judgment on Bruges until we've seen the fucking place?Ray:I know it's gonna be a shithole.STREETRay:Shithole.HOTELKen:I think you have a couple of rooms booked under Cranham and Blakely?Marie:Yes. No, we have one room booked.One twin room. Booked for two weeks.Ray:Two weeks!Ken:Do you have another room?Marie:No, I'm afraid we're fully booked.With Christmas, everywhere is fully booked.Ken:Okay.ROOMKen:It's very pretty.Ray:I'm not being funny, we can't stay here.Ken:We've got to stay here until he rings.Ray:Well, what if he doesn't ring for two weeks?Ken:Then we stay here for two weeks.Ray:For two weeks? In fucking Bruges? In a room like this?With you? No way!Ken:Ray, I really don't like to say this...Ray:You really don't like to say what?Ken:Well... You know?Ray:Fucking bring that up.ON BOATRay:Do you think this is good?Ken:Do I think what's good?Ray:You know, going round in a boat, looking at stuff.Ken:Yes, I do.It's called"sightseeing."Ken:Oh, look at that.It's a former hospital. From the 1100s.Bruges is the most well-preserved medieval townin the whole of Belgium, apparently.SQUAREKen:Coming up? Ray:What's up there?Ken:The view.Ray:The view of what? The view of down here?I can see that from down here.Ken:Ray, you're about the worst tourist in the whole world.Ray:Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin.If I'd grown up on a farm and was retarded,Bruges might impress me.But I didn't, so it doesn't.TOWERKen:Trying to get rid of me coins.3, 3.50, 4,4.10, 4.20, 4.30, 4.40, 4.50, 4.60,4.70,4.80,4.90.Will you take 4.90?Clerk:Entry is 5 euro.Ken:Come on, man, it's only 10 cents.Clerk:Entry is 5 euro.Ken:Happy in your work?Clerk:Very happy.ON THE TOWERI like it here.SQUAREAmericans:Been to the top of the tower?Ray:Yeah. Yeah, it's rubbish.Americans:It is? The guidebook says it's a"must-see".Ray:Well, you lot ain't going up there.Americans:Pardon me? Why?Ray:I mean, it's all windy stairs. I'm not being funny.Americans:What exactly are you trying to say?Ray:What exactly am I trying to say?Youse are a bunch of fucking elephants!Americans:Right, you...Americans Woman:You know, you're just the rudest man. The rudest man!Ken:What's all that about?Ray:They're not going up there.Ken:Hey, guys, I wouldn't go up there. It's really narrow.Americans Woman:Screw you, motherfucker!Ray:Americans, isn't it?PUBRay:Now, this is more like it. Proper holidays.One gay beer for my gay friend,and one normal beer for me, because I am normal.This is the life.Ken:We're not staying here getting pissed.We are quietly sightseeing, like he says,and awaiting his call to see what we do next.Ray:This is my vote on what we should do.We give it another day, two days, max.Then we check the papers again, and if there's still nothing in them,we phone him and say,"Harry, thank you for the trip to Bruges,"it's been very nice, all the old buildings and that,"but we're coming back to London now,and hide out in a proper country,"where it isn't all just fucking chocolates."Ken:My vote would be we quietly sightsee, like he says,and await his call to see what we do next.You don't even know we're here hiding out.Ray:What are you talking about?Ken:You don't even know we're not here on a job.Ray:What, on a job? Ken:Yeah.Ray:Here in Bruges? Ken:Yeah.Ray:Here in Bruges, on a job? Ken:Yeah.Ray:Why? What did he actually say?Ken:He didn't actually say anything.Ray:Then why do you think it might be?Ken:I don't think anything.But it's a bit fucking over-elaborate, isn't it?"Go take him to hide out.""Go take him to hide out where?""Go take him to hide out in fucking Bruges."You can hide out in Croydon.Ray:Hmm.Or Coventry.Hmm.It is a bit over-elaborate.Hmm.But we haven't got any guns.Ken:Harry can get guns anywhere.ROOMRay:He's not gonna ring tonight.He's not gonna ring tonight.Let's go out.Ken:Go out where? Ray:The pub.Ken:No!Ray:Let's go out and have a look at some of the...All the old medieval buildings and that.Because I bet they look even better at night, all lit up.Yes!STREETKen:That there is called the Gruuthuse Museum.Ray:They all have funny names, don't they?Ken:Yes, Flemish.Ray:In here it says,"The Belgians twice sheltered"fugitive English Kings from being murdered,1471 and 1651."Ken:I used to hate history, didn't you?It's all just a load of stuff that's already happened.What are they doing over there?They're filming something. They're filming midgets!Ken:Ray!Director:So, on this scene, you're supposed to walklike a little, tiny mouse, yeah?Okay? Great.Ken:Ray, come on, let's go.Ray:My arse,"Let's go." They're filming midgets.Oh, my God! Look at that girl.She's gorgeous!Ken:Ray, we're going right now.Ray:Fuck off, are we!This is the best bit of Bruges so far.You and your buildings.Ray:Hello.Do you speak English? Chloe:No.Ray:Yes, you do. Everybody does.What are you filming midgets for?Chloe:It's a Dutch movie. It's a dream sequence.It's a pastiche of Nicholas Roeg's Don't Look Now.Not a pastiche, but a...A"homage" is too strong. A"nod of the head"?Ray:Wow, your English is very good.Ray:A lot of midgets tend to kill themselves.A disproportionate amount.Herve Villechaize, of Fantasy Island.I think somebody off The Time Bandits.I suppose they must get really sad about, like,being really little and that.People looking at them and laughing at them.Calling them names. You know,"shortarse."There's another famous midgetI'm missing, but I can't remember.It's not the R2-D2 man. No, he's still going.I hope your midget doesn't kill himself.Your dream sequence will be fucked.Chloe:He doesn't like being called a midget.He prefers"dwarf."Ray:Well, this is exactly my point!People go around calling you a midget when you want to be called a dwarf.Of course you're gonna blow your head off!My name's Ray. What's yours? Chloe:Chloe.How did you get past the security man?Ray:Getting past security men, it's sort of my job.Chloe:You're a shoplifter?Ray:No, not a shoplifter.It's a good joke, though.No.I'll tell you what I am at dinner tomorrow night.Ray:Fuck.Ray:How fucking cool.HOTLEMarie:Mr. Blakely?Ken:Yes. No, Mr. Cranham. No. Yes. Mr. Blakely. Yes.Marie:You have a message.Ken:Shit!(Harry):Number one,why aren't you in when I fucking told you to be in?Number two,why doesn't this hotel have phones with fucking voicemailand not I have to leave messages with the fucking receptionist?Number three, you better fucking be in tomorrow nightwhen I fucking call againor there'll be fucking Hell to pay,I'm fucking telling you. Harry.(Marie):I'm not the receptionist,I'm the co-owner with my husband Patrice. Marie.ROOMKen:Would you turn the fucking light off!Ray:Sorry, Ken.Ken:Keep the fucking noise down!Ray:Someone's in a mood.You'll never guess what.Ken:Will you shut your fucking mouth, please, and go to sleep?Ray:Oh, sorry.Except I've gotta take me contact lenses out.Ray:Altogether,I had five pints of beer and six bottles.No. Six pints of beer and seven bottles.And you know what? I'm not even pissed!You'll never guess what, Ken.Ken, you'll never guess what. Ken:What?Ray:Got a date for tomorrow night.Ken:I'm very happy for you.Ray:With a girl.Ken:Can you turn the light off, please?Ray:Only been in Bruges one day,got a date with a girl in the film business,the Belgian film business.They're doing a film about a midget.HOTELKen:Miss?Marie?Sorry about the message last night.The man who left it is a bit of a...Well, he's a bit of a...Marie:Cock?Ken:Yes. He's a bit of a cock.Marie:Morning.Ken:Harry called last night.We missed him.Ray:Jeez, he swears a lot, doesn't he?Ken:We're staying in tonight. Whatever happens.Ray:Hmm.Except...Hmm. Ken:Hmm.Except"hmm" what?Ray:Except only one of us needs to stay in,really.Uh-huh.Ken:And which one of us would that be, now, Ray?I thought you didn't like Bruges.Ray:I don't like Bruges, it's a shithole.But I did already say I had a date with a Belgian lady in the Belgian film business, which I did already say about before.Ken:Just don't get into any fucking trouble.We're keeping a low profile.And this morning, and this afternoon,we are doing what I want to do.Got it? Ray:Of course.Which, I presume, will involve culture.Ken:Oh, we shall strike a balance between culture and fun.Ray:Somehow I believe, Ken,that the balance shall tip in the favor of culture.Like a big, fat, fucking retarded, fucking black girl on a seesaw, opposite a dwarf.CHURCHKen:Ray, did we or did we not agree that if I let you go on your date tonight,we'd do the things I wanted to do today?Ray:We are doing the things that you wanted to do today.Ken:And that we'd do them without you throwing a fucking moody,like some 5-year-old who's dropped all his sweets?Ray:I didn't agree to that.I'll cheer up. I'll cheer up.Ken:Up there, the top altar, is a phial brought back by a Flemish knight from the Crusades in the Holy Land.And that phial, do you know what it's said to contain?Ray:No, what's it said to contain?Ken:It's said to contain some drops of Jesus Christ's blood.Yeah, that's how this church got its name.Basilica of the Holy Blood.Ray:Yeah. Ken:Yeah.And this blood, right, though it's dried blood,at different times over many years,they say it turned back into liquid.Turned back into liquid from dried blood.At various times of great stress.Ray:Yeah? Ken:Yeah.So, yeah, I'm gonna go up in the queue and touch it,which is what you do.Ray:Yeah? Ken:Yeah. You coming?Ray:Do I have to?Ken:Do you have to? Of course you don't have to.It's Jesus' fucking blood, isn't it?Of course you don't fucking have to!Of course you don't fucking have to!SQUARERay:You little fucking cunt.CHURCHRay:Murder, Father.Churchman:Why did you murder someone, Raymond?Ray:For money, Father.Churchman:For money?You murdered someone for money?Ray:Yes, Father.Not out of anger, not out of nothing. For money.Churchman:Who did you murder for money, Raymond?Ray:You, Father.Churchman:I'm sorry?Ray:I said you, Father.What, are you deaf?Harry Waters says hello.Churchman:The little boy.ON THE PAPER..1.Being moody.2.Being bad at maths.3.Being Sad.MUSEUMRay:I quite like this one.All the rest were rubbish by spastics,but this one's quite good.What's that all about, then?Ken:It's Judgment Day, you know? Ray:Oh, yeah.What's that then?Ken:Well, it's, you know, the final day on Earth.When mankind will be judged for all the crimes.they've committed and that.Ray:And see who gets into Heaven and who gets into Hell and all that?Ken:Yeah.Ray:And what's the other place?Ken:Purgatory.Ray:Purgatory?Ken:Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one.Ray:You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great, either.Like Tottenham.Do you believe in all that stuff, Ken?Ken:About Tottenham?Ray:The Last Judgment and the afterlife.Guilt and sins and Hell and all that?Ken:Um...Well...SQUAREKen:I don't know, Ray. I don't know what I believe.The things you're taught as a child,they never really leave you, do they?So, like, I believe in trying to lead a good life.Like, if there's an old lady, carrying her shopping home,I don't try and help her carry her shopping, I don't go that far,but I'll certainly hold the door open for her and that,and let her go out before me.Ray:Yeah. And anyway, if you tried to help her carry her shopping,she'd probably think you were just trying to nick her shopping.Ken:Exactly. Ray:This is the world we live in today.Ken:At the same time as trying to lead a good life,I have to reconcile myself with the fact that, yes, I have killed people.Not many people. Most of them were not very nice people.Apart from one person.Ray:Who's that?Ken:This fellow, Danny Aliband's brother.He was just trying to protect his brother. Like you or I would.He was just a lollipop man.He came at me with a bottle. What are you gonna do?I shot him down.Ray:Hmm.In my book, though, sorry, someone comes at you with a bottle,that is a deadly weapon, he's gotta take the consequences.Ken:I know that in my heart.I also know that he was just trying to protect his brother, you know?Ray:I know. But a bottle, that can kill you.It's a case of it's you or him.If he'd come at you with his bare hands, that'd be different.That wouldn't have been fair.Ken:Well, technically, your bare hands can kill somebody, too.They can be deadly weapons, too.I mean, what if he knew karate, say?Ray:You said he was a lollipop man.Ken:He was a lollipop man.Ray:What's a lollipop man doing knowing fucking karate?Ken:I'm just saying.Ray:How old was he? Ken:About 50.Ray:What's a 50-year-old lollipop man doing knowing fucking karate? What was he, a Chinese lollipop man? Jesus, Ken, I'm trying to talk about...Ken:I know what you're trying to talk about.Ray:I killed a little boy. You keep bringing up fucking lollipop men!Ken:You didn't mean to kill a little boy.Ray:I know I didn't mean to.But because of the choices I made and the course that I put into action,a little boy isn't here anymore.And he'll never be here again.I mean here in the world, not here in Belgium.Well, he'll never be here in Belgium, either, will he?I mean, he might have wanted to come here when he got older.I don't know why.And that's all because of me.He's dead because of me.And I'm trying to...I'm trying to get me head around it, but I can't.I will always have killed that little boy.That ain't ever going away. Ever.Unless...Maybe I go away.Ken:Don't even think like that.ROOMKen:You look good.Ray:What's it matter anyway?PUBChloe:So, what do you do, Raymond?Ray:I shoot people for money.Chloe:What kinds of people?Ray:Priests. Children. You know, the usual.Chloe:Is there a lot of money to be made in that line of business?Ray:There is in priests. There isn't in children.So what is it you do, Chloe?Chloe:I sell cocaine and heroin to Belgian film crews.Ray:Do you?Chloe:Do I look like I do?Ray:You do, actually.Do I look like I shoot people?Chloe:No.Just children.Ray:Mmm-hmm.I saw your midget today.Little prick didn't even say hello.Chloe:Well, he's on a lot of ketamine.Ray:What's that?Chloe:Horse tranquilizer.Ray:A horse tranquilizer?Where'd he get that? Chloe:I sold it to him.Ray:You can't sell horse tranquilizers to a midget!Chloe:This movie, I think it's gonna be a very good one.There's never been a classic movie made in Bruges until now.Ray:Of course there hasn't, it's a shithole.Chloe:Bruges is my hometown, Ray.Ray:Well, it's still a shithole.Chloe:It's not a shithole.Ray:What? Even midgets have to take drugs to stick it.Chloe:Okay.So, you've insulted my hometown.You're doing very well, Raymond.Why don't you tell me some Belgian jokes while you're at it?Ray:I don't know any Belgian jokes.And if I did, I think I'd have the good sense not to...Hey, hang on. Is Belgium where there were all those child abuse murders lately?Then I do know a Belgian joke.What's Belgium famous for?Chocolates and child abuse.And they only invented the chocolates to get to the kids.What?Chloe:One of the girls they murdered was a friend of mine.Ray:I'm sorry, Chloe.Chloe:One of the girls they murdered wasn't a friend of mine.I just wanted to make you feel bad.And it worked. Quite well.Canadians:Fucking unbelievable.Ray:What's fucking unbelievable?Canadians:Are you talking to me?(He pauses, even though he should just hit the cunt.And he repeats.)Ray:Yes, I am talking to you. What's fucking unbelievable?Canadians:Well, I'll tell you what's fucking unbelievable, shall I?Blowing cigarette smoke straight into myself and my girlfriend's face.That's fucking unbelievable!Ray:This is the smoking section.Canadians:I don't care if it's the smoking section.All right? She directed it right in my face, man.I don't wanna die just because of your fucking arrogance.Ray:Uh-huh. Isn't that what the Vietnamese used to say?Canadians:Vietnamese? What are you talking about, the Vietnamese?That statement makes no fucking sense at all.Ray:Yes it does. The Vietnamese!Canadians:Well, saying it over and over ain't gonna make any more sense out of it.How does the Vietnamese have any relevance whatsoever to myself and my girlfriend having to breathe your friend's cigarette smoke?Tell me how saying...Ray:That's for John Lennon, you Yankee fucking cunt!Ray:A bottle? No, don't bother.Ray:We're leaving.OUT OF PUBRay:I don't hit women! I would never hit a woman, Chloe!I'd hit a woman who was trying to hit me with a bottle!That's different. That's self-defense, isn't it?Or a woman who could do karate.I'd never hit a woman generally, Chloe. Don't think that.God, you're pretty.Chloe:I have to make a call.Ray:Oh, no.You've gone off me, now, haven't you?Just because I hit that fucking cow.ROOMKen:Hello? Harry:Where the fuck were you yesterday?Ken:We just popped out for some dinner, Harry.We only popped out for half an hour.Harry:Yeah? What'd you have?Ken:For dinner? Harry:Yeah.Ken:Pizza, at Pizza Hut.Harry:Was it nice?Ken:Yeah, it was all right. I don't know. It was Pizza Hut.The same as in England.Harry:Well, that's globalization, isn't it? Is Ray there with you?Ken:He's in the toilet.Harry:Can he hear? Ken:No.Harry:What's he doing?Ken:What do you mean? Harry:Is he doing a wee or a poo?Ken:I don't know, Harry, the door's closed.Harry:Send him out on an errand for half an hour,but don't make it sound suspicious.Ken:Ray? Why don't you go out down to the pub for half an hour?Yeah, yeah, I know I said you couldn't,but might as well enjoy ourselves, eh?No, I don't know if they've got bowling anywhere.Could have a look.Yeah, see you.Yeah. He's gone.Harry:What'd you say to him?Ken:I said,"Why don't you go have a drink,you say you've been cooped up?"Harry:What did he say? Ken:Said, yeah, he would.And he might go have a look to see if there's a bowling alley around.Harry:Was he just having a wee?Ken:Yeah, I think so. I assume so.Harry:Sure he didn't mind?Ken:No, he was glad to get out.Harry:He's definitely gone?Ken:Yeah, yeah, he slammed the door.Harry:That don't mean he's gone. Go check outside the door.Ken:Harry, he's definitely gone.Harry:You realize there are no bowling alleys in Bruges?Ken:I realize that, Harry. The boy wanted to have a look anyway.Harry:What are they gonna have, a medieval fucking bowling alley?Ken:As I say, I think he was just glad to get out and about.Harry:So, is he having a nice time, seeing all the canals and that?I had a lovely time when I was there.All the canals and the old buildings and that.Ken:When were you here?Harry:When I was seven. Last happy holiday I fucking had.Have you been on a canal trip, yet? Ken:Yeah.Harry:Have you been down, like, all the old cobbled streets and that?Ken:Yeah.Harry:It's like a fairytale, isn't it, that place? Ken:Yeah.Harry:With the churches and that. They're Gothic. Ken:Yeah.Harry:Is it Gothic? Ken:Yeah.Harry:So he's having a really nice time?Ken:Well, I'm having a really nice time.I'm not sure if it's really his cup of tea.Harry:What?Ken:You know, I'm not sure if it's really his thing.Harry:What do you mean,"It's not really his thing"?What's that supposed to mean,"It's not really his thing"?What the fuck is that supposed to mean?Ken:Nothing, Harry.Harry:It's a fairytale fucking town, isn't it?How can a fairytale town not be somebody's fucking thing?How can all those canals and bridges and cobbled streets and those churches,all that beautiful fucking fairytale stuff,how can that not be somebody's fucking thing, eh?Ken:What I think I meant to say was...Harry:Is the swan still there? Ken:Yeah, the swan's...Harry:How can fucking swans not fucking be somebody's fucking thing, eh?How can that be?Ken:What I think I meant to say was,when he first arrived, he wasn't quite sure about it.You know, there's that big,dual carriageway when you get off the train?It mightn't have been here when you were here last, Harry.Well, as soon as he got into, like, the old town proper,and he saw the canals and the bridges and,you know, the swans and that,well, he just fucking loved it then.Couldn't get enough of it, the medieval part of town.It was just that initial, dual carriageway thing sort of put him off for a second.Harry:Don't know if I remember a dual carriageway.Must be recent.Hasn't spoilt it, has it?Ken:No, no, no, it's just that initial thing.And you know what?As we were walking through the streets,there was this sort of freezing fog hanging over everything,and it made it look almost like a fairytale or something.And he turned to me, do you know what he said?Harry:What'd he say?Ken:He said,"Ken, I know I'm awake,but I feel like I'm in a dream."Harry:Yeah? He said that?Ken:Yeah.Harry:Meaning, like, in a good dream?Ken:Yeah. Of course, like in a good dream.Harry:Oh, good. I'm glad he likes it there.I'm glad we were able to give him something.Something good and happy. Because he wasn't a bad kid, was he?Ken:Huh?Harry:He wasn't a bad kid, was he?Listen, take down this address. Raamstraat 17.That's"Raam," like"Ram," but with an extra"a."Ken:Raamstraat 17.Harry:You got that?Ken:Yes, Raamstraat 17.Harry:Good. There'll be a man there tomorrow morning at 9:00.His name's Yuri.Ken:Yuri. Harry:He'll give you the gun.Ring me on the public phone at Jimmy Driscoll's about 3:00 or 4:00 tomorrow, after it's done.Ken:After what's done?Harry:Are you being thick?Ken:No. Harry:Listen, I like Ray.He was a good bloke, but when it all comes down to it.You know, he blew the head off a little fucking kid.And you brought him in, Ken.So if the buck don't stop with him, where does it stop?Ken?If the buck don't stop with him, where does it stop?Ken:It stops with me, Harry. That's an easy one.Harry:Look, don't get shirty, Ken.Listen, I'm just glad that I was able to do something for the boy before he went.Ken:Do what for the boy?Harry:You know, have him get to see Bruges.I'd like to go to see Bruges again before I die.What was it he said again about... Yeah,"It's like a dream."Ken:"I know I'm awake, but I feel like I'm in a dream."Harry:Yeah.Give me a call when he's dead.Eirik:That's my fucking girlfriend, you asshole.Chloe:Eirik, what are you doing?Eirik:Where are you from, fucker?Ray:Ireland, originally.Eirik:And you think it's okay to come over to Belgium and fuck another man's girl?Ray:Look, I didn't know she had a boyfriend, all right?And I haven't fucked her, anyway. Ask her.I'd only put me hand on it.Chloe:Eirik, put the gun down!Eirik:Get down on your knees and open your mouth.Ray:Don't start being silly.Eirik:Get down on your...Ray:Exactly at what point was it that all skinheads suddenly became poofs?Used to be, you were a skinhead,you just went around beating up Pakistani 12-year-olds.Now it seems a prerequisite to be a fucking bum-boy!Ray:That's not gonna help you, man.Chloe:Ray, there's only blanks in that gun.Eirik, don't!Eirik:Now who's the fucking bum-boy?Ray:You, you fucking bum-boy!Chloe, what exactly is going on here?Eirik:I can't see! I can't see!Ray:Of course you can't fucking see!I just shot a blank in your fucking eyes!Is this fella your boyfriend?Eirik:No. I mean, he used to be.Ray:Well, what's he doing here?Chloe:We... We rob tourists, sometimes.Ray:I fucking knew it was too good to be true!I knew you'd have never shagged me, normally.Chloe:No! That's not true, I...I called it off tonight. I told him not to come tonight.Why did you come tonight?Eirik:Chloe, I can't see, I swear it!Ray:Stop whingeing like a big gay baby.I haven't had a shag in months!Eirik:I can't see out of this eye, Chloe! I have to go to the hospital!Chloe:I'll drive you.Ray:Great! Now the whole night's ruined!Chloe:No!You can stay if you want.I just don't know how long I'll be.Ray:I just knew someone like you would never like someone like me.I just knew. Chloe:What do you mean, someone like me?Ray:You know, someone nice.Chloe:Call me. Please.Eirik:Chloe!Ray:Cha-ching!PUBKen:Have you got some sort of problem?Bartender:No, no problem.Four beers in 20 minutes. No problem.Ken:Fuck off.Midget:Beer and a red wine.Prostitute:I'll be back.Ken:How's the movie going?Midget:It's a jumped-up Eurotrash piece of rip-off fucking bullshit.Ken:Like, in a bad way?Your girlfriend's very pretty.Midget:She ain't my girlfriend.She's a prostitute I just picked up.Ken:Didn't know there were any prostitutes in Bruges.Midget:You just have to look in the right places.Brothels are good.Ken:Well, you've picked up a very pretty prostitute.Midget:Thank you.Ken:You from the States?Midget:Yeah.But don't hold it against me.Ken:I'll try not to.Just try not to say anything too loud or crass.Ray:Hey-ho. Drowning your sorrows, huh?Ken:What sorrows? Ray:You know, being a sad, old, ugly little man.One gay beer, please.Ken:How'd your date go?Ray:My date involved two instances of extreme violence.One instance of her hand on my cock and my finger up her thing,which lasted all too briefly. Isn't that always the way?One instance of me stealing five grams of her very-high-quality cocaine,and one instance of me blinding a poofy little skinhead.So, all in all, my evening pretty much balanced out fine.Ken:You got five grams of coke?Ray:I've got four grams on me and one gram in me,which is why me heart is going like the clappers,as if I'm about to have a heart attack.So if I collapse any minute now, please remember to tell the doctors that it might have something to do with the coke.Ken:Give us a gram, then.Ray:I thought you were laying off, because it makes you depressed?Ken:You know what? Right now, I don't really give a fuck.Ray:Why didn't you wave hello to me today when I waved hello to you today?Midget:I was on a very strong horse tranquilizer today.I wasn't waving hello to anybody, except maybe to a horse.Ray:Huh? What are you talking about?Midget:Just horseshit.Ray:You from America?Midget:Yeah. But don't hold it against me.Ray:Well, that's for me to decide, isn't it?Are you from America, too?Prostitute:No, I'm from Amsterdam.Ray:Amsterdam.Amsterdam is just a load of bloody prostitutes, isn't it?Prostitute:Yes. That's why I came to Bruges.I thought I'd get a better price for my pussy here.Ray:Huh?You two are weird.Would you like some cocaine?I've also got some acid and some ecstasy.FIVE-STAR HOTELRay:Herve Villechaize, I know, did.The dwarf off, I think, The Time Bandits, did.Lots of midgets...Dwarves, top themselves.Hmm. Shitloads.Would you ever think about it?Midget:Huh?Ray:Would you ever think about killing yourself because you're a midget?Midget:Fuck, man! What kind of question is that?Ray:We're just chatting, aren't we?See, Ken.this is the kind of hotel Harry should have put us in.A five-star, with prostitutes in.You know, sometimes, I think Harry doesn't even give a shit about us at all.Has he still not called?Ken:No. Still hasn't called.Ray:No news is good news, eh?Ray:Who's she?Midget:There's gonna be a war, man.I can see it.There's gonna be a war between the blacksand between the whites.You ain't even gonna need a uniform no more.This ain't gonna be a war where you pick your side.Your side's already picked for you.Ray:And I know whose side I'm fighting on.I'm fighting with the blacks.The whites are gonna get their heads kicked in!Midget:You don't decide this shit, man.Ray:Well, who are the half-castes gonna fight with?Midget:The blacks, man. That's obvious.Ray:But what about the Pakistanis?Midget:The blacks. Ray:What about...Think of a hard one.What about the Vietnamese?Midget:The blacks!Ray:Well, I'm definitely fighting with the blacks if they've got the Vietnamese.So, hang on.Would all of the white midgets in the world be fighting against all the black midgets in the world?Midget:Yeah.Ray:That would make a good film!Midget:You don't know how much shit I've had to take off of black midgets, man.Ray:That's...Undeniably true.Ken:See, Jimmy,my wife was black.And I loved her very much.And in 1976, she was murdered by a white man. So...Where the fuck am I supposed to stand in all this blood and carnage?Midget:Did they get the guy who did it?Ken:A friend of mine got him.Ray:Harry Waters got him.Ken:So tell me, Jim,whose side do I fight on in this wonderful war?Midget:I think you need to weigh up all your options and let your conscience decide, Ken.Ken:Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf.I think I'm heading home.Ray:Yeah. I think I'll come with you.Midget:What's... Ray:Back off, shorty!Midget:You don't know karate.Ken:Don't say you didn't have it coming.Ray:Don't say you didn't have it coming.Shortarse!YURI'S HOMEKen:Meeting Yuri.Yuri:Yes, I'm Yuri.Yuri:Mr. Waters said that might be necessary.There are a lot of alcoves in the Koningin Astrid Park.You use this word,"alcoves"?Ken:"Alcoves"? Yes. Sometimes.Yuri:There are not many people around in these alcoves in Christmastime.If I were to murder a man, I would murder him here.Are you sure this is the right word,"alcoves"?Ken:"Alcoves," yes. It's kind of like"nooks and crannies."Yuri:"Nooks and crannies," yes. Perhaps this would be more accurate."Nooks and crannies," rather than"alcoves." Yeah.Yuri:You are going to do it, aren't you? Mr. Waters will be very disappointed...Ken:Of course I'm going to fucking do it.It's what I do.HOTLEMarie:Your friend was behaving rather oddly this morning.Ken:Oddly? How?Marie:Well, he asked me about the baby,and if I wanted a boy or a girl.I said I didn't mind as long as it's healthy, of course.But then he gave me 200 euros to give to the baby.I refused, obviously, but he was quite insistent.Would you give it back to him when you see him?I don't want to appear ungrateful,but it seemed like all the money he had.Ken:Do you know where he is now?Marie:He said he was going to the park.PARKKen:Sorry, Ray.Ken:I'm sorry.Ken:Ray, don't!Ray:Fucking hell! Where the fuck did you come from?Ken:I was behind the thing.What the fuck are you doing, Ray?Ray:What the fuck are you doing?Ken:Nothing.Ray:Oh, my God!You were gonna kill me. Ken:No, I wasn't.You were gonna kill yourself! Ray:What?I'm allowed to.Ken:No, you're not!Ray:What?I'm not allowed to and you are? How's that fair?Ken:Can we go somewhere and talk about this, please?Ken:I wasn't gonna go through with it, Ray.Ray:You fucking looked like you were gonna go fucking through with it.Where'd you get that gun?Ken:A friend of Harry's.Ray:Fuck, man.Let me see it.Silencer, too.Nice.Mine's a bloody girl's gun.Ken:I'm keeping it. Ray:Pardon me?Give me me gun back. Ken:You're not getting it back.You're a suicide case.Ray:And you were trying to shoot me in the fucking head.Ken:You're not getting that gun back.Ray:A great day this has turned out to be.I'm suicidal, me mate tries to kill me,me gun gets nicked and we're still in fucking Bruges.Ken:Listen, I'm gonna give you some money and put you on a train somewhere.Ray:Back to England?Ken:You can't go back to England, Ray. You'd be a dead man!Ray:I want to be a dead man.Have you been missing something?Ken:You don't want to be a dead man, Ray.Ray:I killed a little boy!Ken:Then save the next little boy.Just go away somewhere,get out of this business and try to do something good.You're not gonna help anybody dead.You're not gonna bring that boy back.But you might save the next one.Ray:What am I gonna be, a doctor?You need exams.Ken:Do anything, Ray. Do anything.ROOM(Dear Ken,I went to the park so she wouldn't have to clean it up.Ray)Ray:What a wanker!Ken:He said this whole trip,this whole being in Bruges thing,was just to give you one last, joyful memory before you died.Ray:In Bruges?The Bahamas, maybe.Why fucking Bruges?Ken:I suppose it's cheaper.TRAIN STATIONRay:The rest of the acid and the ecstasy.Can I have me gun back, please?What am I gonna do, Ken?What am I gonna do? Ken:Just keep moving.Keep on moving.Try not to think about it.Learn a new language, maybe?Ray:Sure, I can hardly do English.That's one thing I like about Europe, though.You don't have to learn any of their languages.Ken:Just forget about home for a while.See how the land lies in six years, seven years.Seven years is not that long.Ray:It's longer than that boy got.Me first fucking job.Great hitman I turned out to be.Ken:Some people just aren't cut out for it, Ray.Ray:Are you?Ray:When are you going back to England?Ken:I'll head back in a couple of hours or something.Ray:Harry's not gonna be mad at you, is he? For letting me go?Ken:I'll sort out Harry.Ray:Just tell him I'll have probably killed meself in a fortnight, anyway.Ken:You won't, will you, Ray?Ken:Harry? It's Ken.Listen to this noise.Do you know what that is?Yeah, I know you know it's a train.Do you know what train?Well, it's a train that Ray just got on,and he's alive and he's well,and he doesn't know where he's going and neither do I.So if you need to do your worst, do your worst.You've got the address of the hotel. I'll be here waiting.Because I've got to quite like Bruges, now.It's like a fucking fairytale or something.HARRY'S HOMEHarry's wife:Harry.Harry's wife:Harry!Harry:What?Harry's wife:It's an inanimate fucking object.Harry:You're an inanimate fucking object!Harry:Now, you lot be good for your mummy and lmamoto, okay?'Cause Daddy's got to go away for a few days.Harry's wife:Where are you going?Harry:I've got to go to Bruges.Harry's wife:Bruges? Where's that?Harry:It's in Belgium.Harry's wife:Why would anybody have to go to Belgium?Harry:'Cause I've got to sort something out.Harry's wife:Is it something to do with the phone?Harry:It's something to do with Ken.It's a matter of honor.Harry's wife:Well, it ain't gonna be dangerous, is it?Harry:Well, of course it's gonna be dangerous if it's a matter of fucking honor!Harry's wife:You are bringing the fellas with you?Tell me you're bringing the fellas with you.Harry.Harry:I'm sorry for calling you an inanimate object.I was upset.ON THE TRAINPolice:You're Irish? Ray:Yes.Police:What is your name?Ray:Derek Perlurrl.Police:You hit the Canadian.You hit the Canadian.Ray:I"heet" the Canadian?I don't know what you're talking about.Canadian:That's him! That's the motherfucker.Police:You hit the Canadian, yeah?Ray:Canadian? Shit.Police:We're taking you back to Bruges. Ray:Brilliant.YURI'S HOMEHarry:Aye aye.Yuri:Take your pick, Mr. Waters.Harry:An Uzi?I'm not from South Central Los fucking Angeles.I didn't come here to shoot20 black 10-year-olds in a fucking drive-by.I want a normal gun for a normal person.Yuri:I knew he wouldn't kill the guy.I could see it in his eyes when I was telling him about the alcoves.Harry:About the what? Yuri:The alcoves.The alcoves in the Koningin Astrid Park.Oh, I also have some dumdums.You use this word,"dumdums"?The bullets that make the head explode?Harry:Dumdums, yeah.Yuri:Would you like some of these dumdums?Harry:I know I shouldn't,but I will.Eirik:Motherfucker.Harry:Is he talking to me?Yuri:No, Eirik's on your side, Mr. Waters.Your young friend blinded him last night.Harry:Ray did?Eirik:I was trying to rob him and he took my gun from me.And the gun was full of blanks,and he shot the blank into my eye.And now, I cannot see from this eye ever again,the doctors say.Harry:Well, to be honest, it sounds like it was all your fault.Eirik:What?Harry:I mean, basically, if you're robbing a man and you're only carrying blanks,and you allow your gun to be taken off you,and you allow yourself to be shot in the eye with a blank,for which I assume the person has to get quite close to you, then,yeah, really, it's all your fault for being such a poof.So why don't you stop whingeing and cheer the fuck up?Yuri:Eirik, I really wouldn't respond.Eirik:I thought you wanted the guy dead?Harry:I do want the guy dead. I want him fucking crucified.But it don't change the fact that he stitched you up like a blind, little gay boy. Does it?Thanks for the gun, Yuri.SQUAREHarry:Well?Ken:The boy is suicidal, Harry.He's a walking dead man.Keeps going on about Hell and purgatory...Harry:When I phoned you yesterday, did I ask you,"Ken, will you do me a favor and become Ray's psychiatrist, please?"No. What I think I asked you was,"Could you go blow his fucking head off for me?""He's suicidal"?I'm suicidal. You're suicidal. Everybody's fucking suicidal!We don't all keep going on about it!Has he killed himself yet?No. So he's not fucking suicidal, is he?Ken:He put a loaded gun to his head this morning.I stopped him. Harry:He... What?This gets fucking worse!Ken:We were down in the park...Harry:Let me get this right. You were down in the park?What's that got to do with fucking anything?Let me get this right.Not only have you refused to kill the boy,you've even stopped the boy from killing himself,which would have solved my problem,which would have solved your problem,which sounds like it would've solved the boy's problem.Ken:It wouldn't have solved his problem.Harry:Ken, if I had killed a little kid, accidentally or otherwise,I wouldn't have thought twice.I'd have killed myself on the fucking spot.On the fucking spot.I'd have stuck the gun in me mouth on the fucking spot!Ken:That's you, Harry.The boy has the capacity to change.The boy has the capacity to do something decent with his life.Harry:Excuse me, Ken. I have the capacity to change.Ken:Yeah, you do.You've the capacity to get fucking worse!Harry:Yeah, now I'm getting down to it!Ken:Harry, let's face it.And I'm not being funny, I mean no disrespect,but you're a cunt.You're a cunt now, you've always been a cunt.And the only thing that's gonna change is you're gonna become an even bigger cunt.Maybe have some more cunt kids.Harry:Leave my kids fucking out of it.What have they done?You fucking retract that bit about my cunt fucking kids!Ken:I retract that bit about your cunt fucking kids.Harry:Insulting my fucking kids! That's going overboard, mate!Ken:I retracted it, didn't I?Still leaves you being a cunt.Harry:Yeah, I fucking got that.Harry:Where's Ray now?Ken:Oh, right about now, Ray is in one or other of the one million towns in mainland Europe it's possible to be in, other than here.POLICE OFFICERay:I'll get all the money back to you soon as I get through to me friend.Chloe:It's not a problem, Raymond.Ray:And I'll get all your acid and your ecstasy back to you, too.Chloe:English humor!SQUAREHarry:I'm assuming you've got your gun on you.Ken:That Yuri bloke's a funny fella, isn't he?Harry:He does yoga.Ken:"The alcoves."Harry:Was he going on to you about the alcoves?Ken:"The alcoves in the Koningin Astrid Park." Harry, I know you gotta do what you gotta do.It's a bit crowded round here, you know?Harry:Well, I'm not gonna have a shootout in the middle of a thousand fucking Belgians, am I?Not to mention the other nationalities,just on their holidays. Ken:Hmm.To see the swans and the Gothic and all the fairytale stuff, eh?Harry:Are you trying to fucking wind me up?Ken:No, Harry.Harry:On top of calling me a cunt and calling me kids cunts.I might just have to fucking shoot you right here.Christ!Ken:Let's go up the bell tower.Be quiet up there this time of evening.Let's go up there.Ray:Yeah. Canadians.I feel a bit bad.They didn't kill John Lennon, did they?Anyway, supposed to turn up to court here in two days.Chloe:Are you going to turn up? Ray:Don't know.What have I got to stay for really?Chloe:The most beautiful woman you've ever seen in all of your stupid life.Clerk:The tower is closed this evening.Ken:No way. It's supposed to be open till 7:00.Clerk:The tower is usually open until 7:00.Yesterday an American had a heart attack up the tower.Today the tower is closed.Harry:Here, cranky, here's 100 for you.We're only gonna be 20 minutes.Clerk:The tower is closed this evening.Understand, Englishman?Ray:Jimmy, I've been wanting to say I'm really sorry for karate-chopping you the other night.That was way out of order.Midget:You know, Ray,I'd find it easier to believe and forgive you, somehow,if the two of you weren't laughing straight in my fucking face!It's for the goddamn movie, man.Ken:It is a nice town, Harry.I'm glad I got to see it.I didn't mean to be taking the piss out of it being a fairytale place.It is a fairytale place.It really is. Harry:Hmm.It's just a shame it's in Belgium, really.But then you figure if it wasn't in Belgium,if it was somewhere good,there'd be too many people coming to see it.It would spoil the whole thing.Ken:Well, I'm glad I got to see it before I died.Harry:What are you doing?What are you fucking doing?Ken:I'm not fighting anymore, Harry.Harry:All right, then I'm blowing your fucking head off.Don't come over all Gandhi. What are you fucking doing?Ken, stop messing about, please.Pick up your gun. I know I'm going to beat you anyway'cause you're a spaz, but... Ken:Harry,I'm totally in your debt.The things that have gone between us in the past,I love you unreservedly for all that.Harry:What?Ken:For your integrity.For your honor.I love you.The boy had to be let go.The boy had to be given a chance.And if to do that, I had to say,"Fuck you, and fuck what I owe you,"and fuck everything that's gone on between us,"then that's what I had to do.But I'm not fighting you.And I accept, totally, everything you've got to do.I accept it. Totally.Harry:Oh, yeah?Ken:Yeah.Harry:Well, you say all that fucking stuff,I can't fucking shoot you now, can I?Ken:It's entirely up to you, Harry.It's entirely your call.All I'm saying is I'm not fighting.Ken:Oh, you fucking cunt!Harry:Look, I'm not gonna do nothing to you just 'cause you're standing about like Robert fucking Powell.Ken:Like who? Harry:Like Robert fucking Powell out of Jesus of fucking Nazareth!Ken:My fucking leg!Midget:The psycho dwarf turns out to just be a loveable little schoolboy,and it's all some kind of Boschian nightmare.Kiss my ass!Ray:I guess at least there weren't any black people involved, eh, Jimmy?Midget:I wasn't...I wasn't talking about...Ray:There's gonna be a war between all the blacks and all the whites.And all the black midgets and all the white midgets,which would actually be really good.Midget:That's just cocaine.Ray:He didn't even want the Vietnamese on his side!Midget:That's just cocaine.Listen, we're filming down by the pointy building tonight.It might actually be good for once.You guys should come along.Chloe:We...I think we're just gonna have a quiet one tonight, Jimmy.Midget:That's how it is!In another life.Ray:They're great, aren't they?You didn't. You didn't!Eirik:Mr. Waters? Mr. Waters?Harry:Who's that? Eirik:It's Eirik.Harry:The blind boy? Eirik:Yeah.Yes.Harry:What do you fucking want?Eirik:The guy you're looking for,the guy Ray, he's downstairs at the bar.Harry:I'm sorry, Ken.Harry:But you can't kill a kid and expect to get away with it.Harry:You just can't.Harry:Where? Eirik:To the left when you come out.The bar to the left.Ray:Ken!Ray:Ken! Ken!Ken:Harry's here.Ray:What?Ken:Take my gun.Ray:Ken?Where's my gun?Where's my gun?Ken:I'm gonna die now, I think.Ray:Oh, Ken!Jesus!HOTELRay:Put that gun away, right now!Marie:Mr. Blakely said you had left.Ray:I need the key to the room right now.Quickly, now!And you gotta go home right now.It's very, very dangerous here.All right? Go home! Right now! Marie:Okay.Marie:No, I won't let you up there!Harry:Lady, get out of my fucking way, please.Marie:No, I won't. I won't get out of your way.You'll have to go through me.Harry:Well, obviously, I'm not gonna through you, am I,with a baby and that? I'm a nice person.But could you just get out of the fucking way, please?Ray:Marie!Just let him come up, it's okay.Harry, swear not to start shooting until she's left the hotel.Harry:I swear not to start shooting till she's left the hotel.I totally swear.Marie:Well, I'm not going anywhere.This is my hotel.So you can fuck off!Harry:I suppose you've got a gun up there? Ray:Yeah.Harry:Then what are we gonna do? We can't stand here all night.Marie:Why don't you both put your guns down and go home?Harry:Don't be stupid. This is the shootout.Ray:Harry, I've got an idea. Harry:What?Ray:My room faces onto the canal, right?I'm gonna go back to me room, jump into the canal,see if I can swim to the other side and escape.Harry:Right. Ray:If you go outside and round the corner,you can shoot at me from there and try and get me.That way, we leave this lady and her baby out of the whole, entire thing.Harry:Do you completely promise to jump into the canal?I don't want to run out there, come back in 10 minutes and find you fucking hiding in a cupboard.Ray:I completely promise, Harry.I'm not gonna risk having another little kid die, am I? Harry:So, hang on, I go outside,then I go which way, right or left?Ray:You go right, don't you?You can see it from the doorway! It's a big fucking canal!Harry:All right. Jesus! I've only just got here, haven't I?Okay. On a count of"one, two, three, go," okay?Ray:Okay.Ray:What? Who says it?Harry:Oh, you say it.Marie:You guys are crazy.Ray:Are you ready? Harry:Ready.Ray:Set? Harry:Set.Ray:One, two, three, go!ON THE CANALRay:Keep driving!Ray:No way. You're way too far away.Ray:The little boy.Harry:That's right, Ray.The little boy.Harry:Oh.Harry:I see.Ray:No, Harry.Ray:He's not...Harry:You've got to stick to your principles.There's a Christmas tree somewhere in London with a bunch of presents underneath it that'll never be opened.And I thought,"If I survive all this,"I'll go to that house, apologize to the mother there,"and accept whatever punishment she chose for me."Prison, death, it didn't matter.Because at least in prison and at least in death, you know,I wouldn't be in fucking Bruges.But then, like a flash, it came to me, and I realized,"Fuck, man, maybe that's what Hell is."The entire rest of eternity spent in fucking Bruges!"And I really, really hoped I wouldn't die.I really, really hoped I wouldn't die.ENDhttp://www.douban.com/note/24344026/?post=ok#last

    它被归入“喜剧片”序列，标签有“黑色幽默”、“黑帮片”、“剧情片”、“英式喜剧”……它的情节中确实穿插着一个个英式幽默的桥段，让人不时会心一笑。但到了它出人意表的、有着漫长高潮的结尾，我却哭得肝肠寸断，无法停止。 这是一个应该被归入童话的故事，虽然是黑色的。 雷和肯是两个合作的杀手，雷年轻，肯年老。雷在一次执行任务中，误杀了一个小孩，从此陷入自责之中，蒙上了沉重的心理负担。这一次，他们俩接到一个任务，去布鲁日，住在定好的一个酒店房间，逛街、等头目哈里的电话。 他们逛了，在布鲁日这个童话一般的城市里，欣赏中世纪遗留下来的建筑、梦境一般的雾气、美丽的河道以及徜徉其上的天鹅。肯乐在其中，雷却毫无兴趣。 电话终于来了，打给肯，让他杀掉雷，“终止他的负罪感”。而当肯怀着矛盾的心情，准备偷偷执行命令时，却赶上雷因为无法越过内心的负疚，而终于决定饮弹自杀。 肯放走了雷，要他去“救一个男孩”来赎自己杀了一个男孩的罪，而他自己则留下来等待头目哈里的惩罚。 始终以“要坚持原则”为内心指导的哈里果然来了，在影片接近末尾的时候，他才真正说出他执意要杀雷的原因“一个杀了孩子的人不能不受到惩罚”。他要杀雷，肯要救雷，他们都觉得自己罪孽深重，而要做坚持内心向善的原则的事情，为此肯献出了生命，而哈里惩罚了雷之后，却发现自己误杀了一个男孩——其实是个成年的侏儒——而坚持自己的原则，饮弹自尽。 “要坚持原则”，是从片头至片尾，被几个人屡次重复的主题。杀手干的是犯罪的事情，但他们有他们的善恶观——不可以打妇女、不可以杀孩子。他们坚信自己杀的那些人本来就不是什么好人，因此杀人并不让他们负疚，而只有猥琐，才让他们鄙视，让他们忏悔。 他们的价值观，是中世纪的价值观。他们是现代意义上的坏人，但他们却彬彬有礼、有骑士风度，坦诚而平等地对待对手。而且他们每个人，都有一颗柔软的心。哈里要杀掉雷，却为他们安排了布鲁日的旅行，因为他小时候来过这里，对这里有美好的印象，他希望雷在临死前能够享受到幸福；肯为了救雷，从高塔顶上跳了下来，而跳之前，为避免砸到无辜者，先扔硬币把游客吓走；雷会为一句冒犯的话打人，却会在公园里看孩子们游戏，会把自己的积蓄给怀孕的旅馆老板娘，让她照顾自己的孩子……最感人的一段在哈里和雷在旅馆决斗的部分，为怕伤及无辜的老板娘，两个人同时选择了离开旅馆的方式。 三个“坏人”最后都死了，被杀的、和自戕的。而和这几个坏人比起来，那些所谓的好人却显得猥琐得多。秃头用敲诈的方法抢钱、用告密的方式报自己眼睛被打瞎的仇；加拿大人貌似有教养，却率先出言不逊事后又靠警察主张权利。正是这巨大的反差，让人看到几个坚守原则，内心善良坦荡的杀手一一死去的时候，会为属于中世纪的道德随他们消逝而感到伤痛，会宁愿要这样的“坏人”，而不要那些懦弱猥琐的“好人”。 血淋淋的故事，上演在一个童话般的地方，那粼粼的石板街道、傍晚的灯光，那蒸腾在半空的雾气、中世纪的建筑，配着优美的钢琴乐曲，就如同三个杀手身上的中古气质一样，“知道自己清醒着，却感觉好像在梦里”（剧中台词）。景色与时代的反差，正是他们三人的内心与当代人的反差。 当肯对哈里说“我爱你，你一直很正直”的时候，我还不能理解这句话。待到他为了旅馆老板娘而放雷一马，又因为以为自己杀了孩子而吞弹的时候，我才终于明了这句话的含义。哈里真是值得他爱的，虽然三个人都是善良而又原则的人，但哈里是他们中间最坚持信念的一个，坚持到了教条的地步。由此也解释了他接到肯的电话，决心亲赴布鲁日杀人的时候，导演安排他温和地与孩子们道别，并为一时的粗暴向妻子道歉的用心。多么好的一个男人，几乎可以称为崇高。而这样的人的逝去，怎么能不让人痛惜呢。 饰演哈里的演员，是拉尔夫·费因斯，这个有着贵族气质的整洁的男人，完美地诠释了这个有中世纪情怀的杀手老大。在自杀那一刻，他把枪从嘴里掏出来，重述了一遍“必须要坚持原则”，然后才有塞回去开枪，那很英式，很幽默，却让人笑不出，眼泪不由得掉下来。 樊无期为荆轲的义举砍下自己的头颅、高渐离为了朋友弄瞎了自己的眼睛——这些重义轻死的壮举，永远地属于了古代。原来外国，也有同样的感叹。 童话一般的地方，童话一般的氛围。这一切的安排，都是在告诉大家：这只是个童话，因为，这样的杀手，在这样一个时代，恐怕根本活不到办这些事的年纪。

豆瓣8.1分，31.2万人打出这个分数——对一部杀手题材的英国小片来说，够硬。但我敢说，大部分人最初是被海报骗进去的：两个穿风衣的男人站在中世纪塔楼上，以为是《这个杀手不太冷》的欧洲复刻？结果导演马丁·麦克唐纳用90分钟告诉你：这是一部关于「内疚」的杂种喜剧。电影最妙的地方，是' 是的，它把强盗片的套路全拆了：杀手不酷，会哭会尿裤子；黑帮老大不狠，最后因为误认侏儒是小孩而吞枪结束了自己的生命；连那个侏儒角色，都带着一种荒诞的尊严。导演敢这样玩，是因为他拿了英国电影学院奖最佳原创剧本——剧本底子硬，台词句句带刺。最戳我的是雷的忏悔。科林·法瑞尔演出了一个致人死亡犯的脆弱：他反复梦见那个孩子的脸，在教堂里对着画作崩溃哭诉。这种负罪感不是廉价的煽情，而是像布鲁日的雾一样，慢慢渗透到骨头里。当哈利（拉尔夫·费因斯饰）下达处决令时，整个故事突然变成了关于「赎罪」的黑色寓言——每个角色都在用自己的方式了结：雷选择逃避，肯选择牺牲，哈利选择自欺。布鲁日的钟声每整点敲响一次，仿佛死亡的倒计时。电影没有给出标准答案，但看完你会明白：有时候，假期不是逃避，而是把伤口泡在冰水里，让它疼得更厉害。如果你最近被生活压得喘不过气，不如看看这个荒谬又温柔的故事——它不会治愈你，但会让你觉得，连杀手都要面对内心的审判，你那些小破事算什么呢？